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- TOP TEN SURPRISING FACTS ABOUT THE AVERAGE AMERICAN
-
- 10. IN COURSE OF LIFE, WILL EAT OWN WEIGHT IN SLIM JIMS
-
- 9. HAS HAD AT LEAST ONE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH A GABOR
- SISTER
-
- 8. CAN NAME MORE NINJA TURTLES THAN SUPREME COURT
- JUSTICES
-
- 7. CAN'T STAND THEM NO GOOD STINKIN' SWEDES
-
- 6. WATCHES 14 HOURS OF TELEVISION A DAY, NONE OF IT CBS
-
- 5. THINKS THOMAS JEFFERSON IS "THAT FUNNY BLACK GUY WHO
- WAS MARRIED TO WEEZIE"
-
- 4. HAS THE MATHEMATICAL ABILITIES OF A CLYDESDALE
-
- 3. HAS BEEN REJECTED FROM THE SIMPSON JURY THREE TIMES
-
- 2. THINKS THAT EBERT COULD BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF SISKEL
-
- 1. HATES JOB, HATES SPOUSE, HATES, LIFE, LOVES CHEETOS
-
- Letterman, Tuesday November 1, 1994
- Copyright Worldwide Pants, Inc. 1994
-